Trying Something New

Being married or even being in a close relationship with another person means that you often find yourself doing things that you would never just decide to do on your own.

While a majority of the family on my father's side are full-time farmers (yes, the real kind of farmers that have cows, pigs, crops and the like), I did not receive the green thumb gene or was raised to have much interest in the outdoors. I am a stay inside kind of girl who finds gardening to be more work than I have desire to participate in. However, this spring Kevin decided that this needed to change.
And, even though we only live in a house with a small yard, we Kevin has planted for us a garden in pots on our upstairs balcony. With some help from our friend Bhavik and several trips to the gardening store, our pots were filled with plants and even some seeds which promised to grow tomatoes, green and hot peppers, basil and even cucumbers over the next several months.

And while Kevin's father laughed at our attempts to garden in pots (his dad and grandparents were once professional farmers too), I'm happy to report that our garden is thriving! It is now a part of our nightly routine to water the plants. (Thus, we haven't killed the plants yet!)

We have several small tomatoes and green peppers that are already beginning to show. We also had fresh basil with our evening meal two nights ago.But, besides just the potential food we hope to gain from our garden, we have felt just a little more connected to nature than we usually are, especially as a mother bird has made her nest in our green pepper pot.

We've been watching this mother bird for weeks now. She has built her nest and laid four eggs. Our mother birth constantly watches her eggs now and we're looking forward to the eggs hatching anytime soon. Our bird seems to be a great mother, ever mindful of her unborn. She gave me much inspiration last week when I was at home one afternoon and evening writing my sermon. It was a pleasure to share in her company.

So, our experiment in trying something new is going quite well. I can't wait to see what the rest of the summer has in store for our little potted garden on our porch and what we'll find there!

Some Great Advice

I was once told by a mentor that the best advice he could give me was to "be myself wherever life took me."

Seems simple enough, right?

But, now as I've been out of seminary for two, going on three years, I have found this simple truth of "be yourself" to be some of the most profound ministry advice I've ever received.

There are so many people, organizations and pressures that would seek to pull me away from the person that I've been created to be.

Especially when it comes to forming an identity as a woman pastor:

I've been told by many: "Thou shall not wear_____ in the pulpit." At first I followed the advice, but soon learned that I was a good as judge as any to discern what was appropriate for my congregational setting. I have a pretty standard pattern for what I wear on Sunday mornings now. I often don't think about it very much anymore. (And from what I can tell, I'm doing ok in this department).

When I was looking for my first call position out of seminary, I was told by many how to find a job. I was told to send resumes to places far and wide, even if I already knew that I didn't want to go to a particular place. I was told there were certain people I needed to be friends with if I wanted to make it in my field. At first, I followed much of the advice, but soon learned that what I knew in my heart was right-- building relationships with people and churches I respected (even if they weren't with people who were among the "who's who" in denominational life) was the best move. And as a result, I found a congregation to serve (where I am now) in the area of the country that I wished to be in without doing anything that made me feel weird.

When I took preaching class at school, I was given a lot of instruction about the way a sermon must be constructed and how important certain points of emphasis needed to be. And, I got a lot of feedback from peers of mine from seminary and beyond about what a sermon needed to be and how I needed to deliver it. At first, I followed much of this advice, trying my best to do what "good preachers" do. But, soon I learned that my own personal style and voice were among the best tools I had to offer my own preaching development. For the more I come to understand myself and the people around me, I believe, the better preacher I become (even if I'm not doing everything I was taught in seminary to do). Preaching is a very personal thing that comes as I encounter God through the words of a text every time I sit to write. I must bring myself to the sermon, nothing less. I believe people are drawn to authenticity in a way that they aren't anything else.

I say all of this not to declare that in any way that I've got life and ministry figured out. I'm still learning all the time (if you were to compare a recent sermon to one from three years ago you'd see how much I've changed, I think).

But, what I do want to share with those who come behind me to know is that "being real" makes ministry have life. The more we are ourselves, the more we have to offer the world. This kind of confidence takes a lot of courage and conviction. I hope I never lose the passion for these virtues. I'll need them in the long journey ahead called being woman in a man's field.

My Fun Week Off

As I've written about before, one of the best parts of going through the seminary experience are the people you meet while studying. These are the people who continue to follow you through your life-- encouraging you from out of town phone calls, reminding you why you love the church, and being a sounding board for ideas when ministry crisis hit. The sad part of leaving seminary is that you don't get to see them often. Facebook becomes your dear friend.

For this reason, last week was very special. For part of the week, I spent time with my dear seminary friends at the beach in South Carolina. Six amazing women who are doing wonderful things for the church around the country. We are an ecumenical crew: one other Baptist, two Presbyterians, two Methodist and an Episcopalian. We are all under the age of 30. Five of us are associate pastors, one of us is a teacher, and another just finished up a hospital chaplaincy and is looking for a job in a church.

All of us began as single women when we met during the first semester. Now four of us are married. Many of us lived together at some point during seminary. Seen below is my Baptist sister, Abby who lived with three of us from the group throughout the three years she lived the apartment affectionately known as "8C." Oh if the walls could tell the stories . .

While we all tried to be on vacation and not think about work, many of our conversations kept coming back to our jobs and what it means to be a woman in ministry. We had unofficial sessions on planning funerals, church administrative crisis, attire at church, finances as a pastor, and of course theological topics of all kinds. No matter where we've landed on the theological spectrum post graduation, we share the bond of being trained in the ways of Duke Divinity School and its love of orthodoxy.

I think when we do this beach gathering next year, we'll just call it "continuing education on the beach" so we won't take vacation time to come. Instead, we'll attend a conference designed by us. We just couldn't help ourselves . . . talking about what we do with people who actually understand was just that important. (Also, applying sunscreen is important too. Lots of it. I seemed to have a problem with applying it evenly and came home with some funky tan lines!)


But the week of vacation, was not just about my seminary friends. I had a good time reconnecting with my adopted family from my college years and beyond: the Goodwins. We hit the beach too and enjoyed the great view from their rented beach house. Below you'll catch the picture I posed them for right in front of the beautiful house where I hung out with them at the end of the week. But, best of all was coming home on Saturday to see my husband again. I really did miss him!! I wished his work schedule would have allowed him to join me down south too. However, we did enjoy attending Kevin's church together on Sunday morning and spending some time with our church friends in DC at a festival. It is of course sad that my vacation is now over. I love vacation!!! Why can't we be like the Europeans and take a holiday all summer?

No Water

I'm back from vacation and found that there is a crisis going on in my county. . . a bacteria of some sort got into our water drinking supply on Sunday evening. This means that all drinking water from the tap is off limit and will continue to be so until at least Thursday. Restaurants are shut down by order of the governor. McDonald's is even closed (when does that ever happen?). Everyone is encouraged to boil their water if they drink it out of their tap.

I'm feeling dehydrated because I've had to work extra hard to find clean water the past couple of days and haven't drank enough. I think I currently have a dehydrated headache.

I am to have a church lunch gathering at my home on Thursday that may not happen if the water is not clean. People are scared to eat what might not have been properly prepared in someone else's kitchen.

Am I still in America I wonder?

How can this be happening where I live?

Then, I realize how spoiled I really am. Most of the world doesn't live with the constant knowledge that they have clean water coming out of a facet in their home to drink. Many of my fellow world citizens walk for miles each day to get water even if it is not "safe" to drink.

I've been thinking about how much water I waste on a daily basis just trying to get a hot shower. I've been thinking about how easily I take life's gifts to me for granted.

But, regardless of all of this meaningful thinking, I can't wait for the clean water to come back.

Vacation

I'm packing for a fun week away from the normal routine. After church responsibilities are completed tomorrow morning, I'm off to the South Carolina coast for a week.

I can't wait for the time to catch my breathe, hanging out with some dear friends that I don't often see, and take a nap or two. I'm looking forward to reading some books that don't have anything to do with my next sermon. I'm excited to do a lot of nothing all at the same time.

I'll be back next Monday with hopefully a refreshed perspective on life and many reflections to share with all of you. Until then, I'll be hoping not to come home too sunburned.

Awkward Conversations

It is an amazing thing to grow up . . .

To find yourself with different values from your parents and teachers of childhood. . .

To find yourself with different values from those you held in high esteem . . .

To outgrow your mentors . . .

To find bonds of friendship shifting as your life aspirations change.

But, even beyond all of this, what is even weirder is to have conversations with people with people with whom you once were so similar, only to find that as time has past you think completely differently about the world, life's purposes and what is most important. I call this awkward.

You don't want to hurt feelings. You want to be respectful. Yet, you want to honestly reflect what you have come to know as truth. And, maybe all at the same time, you don't want friendship to end as a result of different points of view.

How does this balancing act occur? How can a person be respectful and truthful at the same time?

I have to admit, I usually go for the respect more than the truth. And, I go home feeling as if I've cheated myself just a little.

But, I've retained a friend. And, I've shown that diversity does not always mean division.

What is best? Nothing seems perfect. I'm still not sure.

If I am a constant work in progress, so are those around me. All I know is this: life is always going to be full of awkward conversations. But, they are conversations after all and talk is good!

Going to Mass

It is a beautiful thing to live in a place of great religious diversity. And, even better than this is to have friends from a variety of religious traditions in such a place. These people become those who stretch you to think outside the box of what is comfortable. They show you a world larger than you've ever known before.

Kevin and I are blessed with this beauty. We spend our free time with an amazing group of people from a variety of faiths. All our friends (minus those we've met at church) come from a different religious tradition than ours. In fact not only are we the only Baptists, but the only Protestants in the mix. A large majority of the bunch have some ties to the Catholic Church, whether they are regular attendees or had some experience in it during childhood.

So, when any of them ask me about what I'm doing on Sundays their questions usually begin with: "What time does mass start?"

I tried correcting them at the beginning, saying that my church doesn't call it mass, it is simply a worship service with church school an hour before it. But, it never seemed to sink in. I became a broken record. After a while I've decided I not longer cared. They can call the service I help to plan and lead "mass" if it helps them relate to what I do.

But what is even funnier is this: to my Catholic friends, the word "mass" applies to everything going on at the church. I guess this means I'm at mass all day. . .

So when did "mass" start for me this morning? 8 am. It went on until 2 pm when the Children's Festival concluded (it was an after worship children's fellowship) and it started again at 5 pm when I had a youth parent's meeting.

I really do want to go to Catholic church sometime to experience their tradition, but until then, I'll keep going to mass at the Baptist church where I'm employed. . .