My New Hero

I feel a lot like Abraham as of late. You know, the guy that God told: “Leave your country, your people, and your father’s household and go to the land I will show you.”

I left NC for a journey unknown to me last weekend. Logistically, while I'm not carrying a walking stick or anything, all I have is a temporary address and the promise of kind friends to take me in until I find a job to support both me and hopefully my calling too. I could bring only a car load of stuff with me. As I wait, I’m claiming that there will be a “land” to call my own in a place that God will show me . . . sometime sooner than later. And I'm learning how I say, "I don't know" when people ask me what it is that I'm doing with my life.

I have to say that having this kind of faith is not the kind of rosy “have faith in God” stuff I learned in Sunday School as a child. It is totally about believing in something that you flat can’t see at all, something there is seemingly little evidence will happen at times, something that others regularly doubt making you question who knew yourself to be in the first place.

However, a long time ago I heard an inward call to pursue ministry as a vocation. And, when God calls, there is just no turning back. Even if I tried.

I asked a friend the other night what she thought would happen if I just gave up with my dream to pastor altogether (because it is getting just a little too costly) and her quick response was “You’ll end up in a big fish somewhere” (like Jonah). True indeed. I'd probably feel worse than I do now.

Luckily, I have people in my life to regularly remind me that bucking the systems (being both Baptist and a pastor) is really a HARD thing to do. “Did I really expect it to be easy?" they ask. Well, of course not. But I didn’t know it would feel like this. Gross.

I know that the love of God has not forgotten me because of the voices and faces of friends who seemingly tolerate me despite my ever present sadness. These people inspire me to keep following my dream, hoping that I too can be like Abraham and get a little closer every day to God’s promise land.