Soul Music

On Friday night, I had a great roommate night out to Chapel Hill doing one of our favorite things together: going to quality evangelical concerts. Ever since both of us learned that Steven Curtis Chapman, Michael W. Smith, Chris Rice and the likes were among our favorite tapes growing up, we have often looked for opportunities to attend quality concerts that even our more grown up musical tastes can appreciate. While we may slightly different opinons on some things. She likes Third Day which I can’t stand and I LOVE Sara Groves which makes her want to hurl, I am still very thankful to have a roommate who gives great recommendations for soul filling music.

While Andrew Peterson is currently on the list of artists which my friends have banned me from listening too (they say I cry too much and am too sappy if I stay in the reflective genre too long), I was glad to reacquaint myself with him on Friday. His music is well-written and thought provoking, often asking me to view God in ways I never had before. One song in particular struck a cord with me which I had never heard before. It is entitled: “Just As I Am.” While I’ve sang the traditional hymn thousands of times growing up in church, this song was in a genre of its own. Read some of the words:


What's that on the ground?
It's what's left of my heart
Somebody named Jesus Took up the pieces
And planted the shards

And they're coming up green
They're coming in bloom
I can hardly believe
This is all coming true

Just as I am and just as I was
Just as I will be He loves me, He does
He showed me the day that He shed His own blood
He loves me, oh, He loves me, He does

All of my life
I've held on to this fear
Its thistles and vines
Ensnare and entwine
What flowers appeared

It's the fear that I'll fall
One too many times
It's the fear that His love
Is no better than mine
(but He says that)

Just as I am and just as I was
Just as I will be He loves me,
He doesHe showed me the day
that He shed His own blood
He loves me, oh, He loves me,
He doesHe loves me, oh, He loves me, He does

The words are encouraging for me to read again today as my soul is weary. A church and people who I love are confused, hurting and are living in full measure of this world’s brokenness. I hate that the church has to fight sometimes like families do. I hate that communities that make promises to each other-- to love each other even when their diversity seeks to tear them a part-- fail to communicate. I hate that reconciliation is not as a nice word as it sounds-- it is in fact HARD work often filled with much sweat and tears. I hate that the self-centered vein runs through all of us so that often times we are so set on our expressing our own opinions that we can’t hear the feelings of others. I hate that faithful, non-status quo church is not as rosey as they make it sound in seminary classes. Kingdom moments are jewels to be treasured in any congregation because sometimes they are rare. My idealist self wishes this were not the case.

When I work with churches in the future, can’t I just work hard enough as a pastor to make good things happen? To make church the beautiful place that I know it can be?

Andrew Peterson reminds me yet again that I can’t.

So, for today, I’ll rest on the fact that the love of Christ is not dead in the world. God chooses to use even the most broken churches for God’s good. Giving up on reconciliation would deny this fact.

So, even during times when I think the ministry is just too hard. Why do I want to commit myself to this crazy profession anyway? Grace comes as I have songs to sing. Just as I am and just as I was. Just as I will be He loves me, He does.