Writing and Spirituality... Any Connections?

I have to admit that I've often said that starting a blog is something I'd never do, but here I am on day one of this journey to be intentional about my writing. It is a pretty scary thing, you know to put your thoughts out there for all the world to see.

Writing for me has always been such a personal endeavor. So, why would I all of the sudden want to share myself with you (whoever you are) in such a public way?

Well, I think for me beginning this blog is a late addition to my New Year's Resolution list. I'm going to be intentional about my writing this year. I'm going to fight the fear that what I have to say will be meaningless to others or that my writing is so flawed by my lack of editoral skills that others will critize it more than they already do. But, I've got some friends who have volunteered to be my editors (I think they find my errors highly entertaining) so here I go...

Without writing, I’m not sure I would know what my spiritual life is. As soon as I became aware of the fact that God wanted to be in relationship with me as a twelve year old child, my interest in writing heightened for the first time. I was bewildered finding myself at a loss for words to explain my new found interest in religion to my parents (my dad is a minister by the way) or to my peers. But, I could write. And by retreating to my room to write, I could start to make sense of what the Sprit was up to within me. Writing became the tool I needed to venture through the waters of authentic Christian faith. Although at this time I was embarrassed to speak openly to anyone about my spiritual life, writing empowered me: I had things to say. I was observant. I was insightful. And, as I continued to write, I realized God wanted to use my thoughts even if they only went as far as my notebook.

And as my spiritual life grew since the awkwardness of 6th grade, the disciple of writing has continued to journey with me. In fact, I now call it an essential spiritual discipline. I’m not exaggerating when I say I could be a poster child for spiritual writing. I have over twelve volumes of spiritual notebooks on my bookshelf. They are filled with musings, prayers and travel logs of significant people and places that have become a part of my narrative.
No matter if I’m only going across town for the night or far away to another country, a writing notebook is a travel essential. I never know when life is going to hit me in such a way as to require a retreat into the world of words. In fact, it was a full out crisis occurred several years ago when my best friend and I were traveling through Italy together and I ran out of journal pages. Even though we were in the land of glorious ancient ruins and world-acclaimed art, I made finding a stationary store on the top of our agenda. [I've attached a picture of this friend, Kristina, from another one of our travels... this time to New York City. Kristina is in the orange shirt]

But, why go to all of this trouble? I must write to stay connected to God and the world at large. Even if I do not explicitly mention God or write formal prayers, the discipline of writing reminds me of God’s providence in the world. When I choose to write an editorial expressing strong conviction on a subject, I am being faithful to the voice within me as a child of God. By making the choice to start and complete a piece of writing, I am wrestling with my own aloneness in the world: giving to any who will read a part of who I am.

The discipline of writing has given me a raw honesty that I find in so few other places. Writing makes me commit to what I say is important to me—becoming a mirror the truest self at a particular time. By writing thoughts down instead of letting them fly in and out of my head, I am held accountable to my disposition as it stands, my warts included. As I have committed to self-reflection, I have often made life altering discoveries while engaging in the practice of writing.

For example, during the spring and summer of 2003, I was completely overwhelmed by questions of vocation even though I had already committed to attend seminary the next fall. I knew a transformative process was on the way, but my vocational ideas were so constrained by others’ opinions of me. Even though I finally seen a woman preach for the first time in the spring of 2001, I wouldn’t dare say out loud that my gifts were for such a calling since my personality seemed radical different from the other women I had seen in ministry. How could the stirrings within me for something new be reconciled with what seemed sensible? In my confusion, all I knew to do was write. So, often writing was my plight late at night and on Saturday mornings on the couch.

I remember one Saturday I was on a writing titrate about Christian community and the lack there of in the church in general. Then, as I was waiting for the next sentence on the page to form, I was struck with deep sadness. I realized one of my deepest passions was having things to say to the people of God in a formal manner; yet, knowing in my current profession of teaching there was no time for this to occur. What a scary moment to have written of my desire to preach! Me, a pastor? Yet, because of this writing exercise, I gradually began to work in the suggestion of: “What would you think of me being a pastor?” into conversations with those I trusted. A few months later I would commit to the pastoral vocation in confidence as I began orientation at Duke Divinity School.

So, I must continue to write, hoping there will be better revelations for me on the other side of the somewhere called now.